Wednesday, January 16, 2008

B.A.T. Syndrome

Ok, I just witnessed this exchange in Walmart:

Tall American man (I could tell he was American by the US flag bandana on his head, the U.S.A.! tank top and the bleached blonde, silicone enhanced cheerleader beside him) is at the checkout line.

Man: Can I get my change in American dollars? I gave you US.
Cashier: No sir, I'm sorry, I don't have it.
Man: I don't want no Mexican dollars, what is this? This looks fake, give me US!
Cashier: Sorry sir, I can't.
Man: Don't you speak American!? I don't want no Mexican dollars, no monopoly money, I want
American dollars!
Busty McTexas: Honey, she can't do it, let's go.
Man (to Busty): Be quiet, shut your mouth, I want my money.

Does this conversation sound familiar? Do you travel to foreign countries in search of Budweiser and Domino's? Do you speak louder when someone doesn't understand "American"? Perhaps you or someone you love is suffering from Bad American Tourist Syndrome (B.A.T.S.). Please seek help immediately or follow these simple steps to being a better tourist:

  • Before traveling, do some research about where you are going. Read Lonely Planet or TripAdvisor or even just Google your destination, it will help you (and those around you) enjoy your holiday.
  • Exchange your money to the local currency.
  • Learn a little bit of the language, at the very least "please" and "thank you".
  • Get a makeover, your entire wardrobe does not need to consist of things bearing the US (or worse, the Confederate) flag.
  • Your new wardrobe should also include some clothes to go over your micro mini bikini while at Walmart, shopping half naked is really unappetizing for the other shoppers.
  • Chanting "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" at the swim up bar will NOT win you any friends, try a simple "hello".

Please remember, one ugly American can make millions of beautiful ones look bad. You are not alone, seek help, give us all a break!


My Way said...

Oh yeah this shit happens every day.

Again...I am reminded of a blog I once had:

I've seen WAY worse but you know, my blog isn't just about me bitching about idiots in the Walmarts. It's also about bitching about other things. And my cool pets. :D

BB Mama said...

see kel..i new you had a problem! lol..jk...OH EM GEE..i would have slapped him withi his bandana..i solemnly swear to never suffer from BATS while on vacation....

Islagringo said...

B.A.T.S.!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it and I am going to steal it and use it as my own! Just wait until I see that next sufferer!

Unknown said...

I have been seen people go "batty" in our trips. For example, there was that group of people who kept bitching about anything and everything, including the lack of hamburgers...but mainly about being in contact with nature. I should clarify that nature was not only the description of the trip, but the goal actually. My sister and I looked at each other wondering, "Did they not research as to what eco-tourism meant before they embarked on this trip???" The next time I see a person or group of people with B.A.T.S., I'll have to control myself and not blurt out, "You've got B.A.T.S.!"

Fned said...

Can B.A.T.S. be applied to mexicans as well? I guess not, being that the A stands for Americans and that BMTS only sounds stupid.

Anyway, my point is mexicans can also be pains in the butt while away on holidays.

I had some friends come to Paris for two weeks and bitch and complain every single day that "you can't buy tacos" or "this doesn't have chile" or "eiwwww my meat is served with pepper sauce" or "urgh why do the french like salads so much?" or "yuck, Dijon mustard tastes like crap" or "this beer sucks, where can we get corona?", or "how come french girls never wear make-up, they look so haggard (try "natural"?)", etc, etc, etc....

Basically, I ask myself: if all you're gonna do is bitch about how things are bad and lame and stupid and awful at your destination compared to home, they WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO TRAVEL?

The WHOLE point of travelling is to see, taste, experience, ride, observe, understand and learn NEW THINGS!!!! Seriously dude, stay home, you'll be much happier (and so will we!)! LOL


Fned said...

P.S. Re-reading my post I realize it sounds like I'm dissing the mexicans... it's not my intention, so here's a little rectification:

I'm actually dissing ALL tourists (regardless of their nationality) that don't realize how lucky they are they are able to travel in the first place and instead spend their entire trip being miserable and making those around them miserable as well.


Brice said...

That's the worst thing about being Canadian. Often, people think we're Americans and that we'll act like that. And that was the best thing about Cuba - no uberamericanos.

I feel ashamed if I can't speak enough of the local language to get by, and couldn't imagine being rude enough to insult those hosting me. He needs to be one of those "accidents" that occasionally happen to tourists.

My Way said...

I'm just giddy because Fned swore. LOL!

Alex said...

Ah, I bet he is the same guy that thought there are no cars in Mexico, only donkeys heh oh and they speak "mexican" as well...
sad sad...
Nice blog!

Jennifer said...

And probably he is the same people who say those damn "_______" (fill in the blank with any derrogatory name for your country of choice) come to our country, and dont speak our language and they dont want to eat american food and listen to american music, and wave their flags, blah blah blah.

People like that need to be smacked. Hard. Or worse. People like that abboy the piss out of me.

Fned said...


I'm glad you noticed! Now that I know my grandmother doesn't go around reading my posts on other people's blogs I'm free to turn into "potty-mouth Fned"..... *snickering*


My Way said...

Tee heee. Shit!

Anonymous said...

Hubby and I often wish that Mexicans would look the BATS right in the face and repeat what they were saying in English, in Spanish, but really slow and loud. :)

And just being in WalMart here makes me cringe, even though it's the closest grocery store to my house.

CancunCanuck said...

Ok, you all crack me up. Glad to know I didn't offend, I know many of you are Americans, but I hope you are of the "beautiful" kind. :)

Theresa in Mèrida said...

I think you get more than your share because you live in Cancun. They actively court those sorts of tourists. I have never seen anyone dressed like that even when I lived in Texas. He sounds like he would be a jerk no matter where he is.
My Yucatecan neighbors always ask me why the Canadians aren't friendly, and I tell them it's because they come from cold country and aren't used to stopping and talking to people, in their home country they would freeze to death if they took the time to chat.
The worst dressed tourists in Merida seem to be Europeans, they look like they are going camping or the beach.


uuuu ese ah! U ESE AH!!!

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