Monday, January 14, 2008

Visitors from my old life

Wow, I have been away from the computer for DAYS! Feels very strange. And good. And bad. Catching up on emails has been a mix of good and bad news. Catching up on forums seems to be taking forever. I think I need to run away again, back to the life of a tourist!

Since I have been in Mexico, I have only been back to Canada once and did not see any friends as I just went to show my parents that I did indeed have a baby in my belly. Brice came to Cancun a few years ago and we got together for a couple of drinks. Other than that I haven't seen anyone from "home", no old friends, no one other than immediate family. That all changed on Saturday when one of my very dearest friends arrived in Cancun for a visit. It's been five years since I have seen him and his wife, the time leading up to their visit was really emotional and stressful. Will we still like each other? Will we still have things to talk about? Will they think I've completely lost my mind?

When I got to their resort to meet them on Saturday, I realized that I was REALLY nervous. I had two cigarettes and two walks around the resort before I could ring their bell. When I finally saw them though, it was as if five years melted away. I started to cry, it was such joy, such bliss, to have these people in the same room with me. It was so weird that I thought maybe I was having an acid flashback, it just didn't seem real to me that they came to visit. Then hugs and margaritas and tacos and it's like we were never apart. Only better.

All of us had changed, but only in good ways. We've kept the good parts of our old selves and added life experience, age and a change of country and culture to our personalities. I had all these big plans to take them many places on Saturday, but we didn't even need to leave the resort (except at 2 am for a taco run). I spent Sunday with them at the resort on the beach, "chillaxin" as they called it. A completely delicious day getting to know our new and improved selves.

I think it was really important for me to have this connection made. It's almost as if I needed a witness from my B.M. (before Mexico) life to verify that yes indeed, I am a good person who has gotten better. I am not totally different, just healthier. There are times when sometimes I wonder if I have lost myself in this unplanned "escape" to another country. Now I feel so relaxed and at ease with myself, who I am and what I am doing with my life, I am so grateful for their visit.

I will be spending more time with them this week, will be introducing them to Max and Hubby (the weekend was just for ME, thanks to Hubby for taking care of Max!). I apologize for not blogging, but the great outdoors and great friends called to me. Hopefully I will be more regular this week.

And now back to my hangover recovery plan on the couch. Hope you are all well.


My Way said...

I have often questioned myself like you have in wondering if I've lost who I really am because I'm in a different place. Having friends who know you from back home surely bring it all together and funny enough, we don't change....we just add to what we already are.


Glad you're enjoying your friends. I'm sure the rest of your time with them will get even better!

JJ said...

What a happy ending! Sometimes it seems silly in retrospect what we think others must think about the choices we make in our lives. But the reality is that there are some people that can't handle the fact that some choices we make are the best ones for us. That's when it is important to know that being comfortable with yourself is what really matters. Your true friends will be with you no matter where life takes you. I'm happy that you are happy. :)

Susan Lechuga said...

I have told you before that you rock. You still inspire me so much. Im happy that you have found happiness

Manolo said...

I am so happy for you Canucka. I have felt all my life this way, even before coming to Canada, that anxiety of people from different parts of my life coming to see this other side of me. It kind of makes you complete. I have been having similar experiences thanks to facebook: I "reconnect" then the person becomes alive on the other side of a table on a pub or a café... eerie indeed, but always comforting. BTW don't get into facebook, it can get addictive and there are 1 million torontonians (and torontecos and torontois) there, that cannot be good ;-)

Fned said...

I read your post twice and have given a great deal of thought at what you say.

Over the years, every time I've gone back home and got together with my friends from my B.F. (before France) life I have often felt that, quite on the contrary we all HAVE changed... me in more ways than one because of the additional expat variable, but basically we've all gone our seperate ways, profesionally, personally, culturally, etc. This in general is not a bad or even and unexpected thing of course, but unfortunetly, I have learned that change CAN affect friendships and as painful as it has been in some case, I have had to learn how to deal with this:

I have had:
- the experience of coming back from meeting a B.F. friend and cried in hubby's arms 'cause I've realized that we've both changed so much it will NEVER be the same and that what I thought was a "BFF" has now become a "conocido"

- the experience of meeting up with friends and spending a wonderful evening laughing and remembering "good old times" but never moving beyond that: the past; and it's sad just as well.

- the experience of having "friends" tell me I've changed TOO much, become TOO European or LESS mexican and basically make me feel that whatever we had in common before is now gone because whoever I used to be before is gone too... this has been the hardest blow; specially when you feel that deep down you HAVEN'T changed and that mexican-ness (or american-ness, or canadian-ness....) doesn't simply dissapear in thin air.

BUT I am also thankful for those I have kept in touch (two or three special persons) that despite the distance and the time have learned to love, understand and accept the person I've become and me them and everytime I go back to see them it really is a wonderful, re-energizing, AMAZING thing.

In the end I guess this is life's way of let you know who are the people that have always been able to see inside you and that time, distance, different life styles, etc, will not be enough to brake the friendship.

I'm happy you and your friends have exactly this and that you had a wonderful time with them this weekend.


Unknown said...

I feel the same type of excitement/anxiety when I am about to meet someone after not seeing him/her for a long time, sometimes years. I saw a family friend after several years in 2007 and after a couple of minutes, we were talking and having a great time.
I know I'm the new kid here, but just wanted to share that depending on the browser, the comment pop up window can be available...or not. And it looks like it doesn't have to do with the options (as far a browser blocking pop up windows). Today I am using Opera and not Explorer (because Explorer was a headache). Saludos. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Frijolera! Just reading your blog.

CancunCanuck said...

Liz- Glad to hear I am not the only one who questions. We're so damned existentialist, haha. Thanks chica, we're having fun.

jj- It wasn't so much them questioning my choices, more like "Am I still interesting" to them, KWIM? Our relationship surrounded an industry that I am no longer a part of, but it doesn't seem to matter to these fine folk like it has for other "friends".

Susan- Thanks, I'm not really "inspirational" per se, but thanks!

Manolo- I am so about the Facebook, lol! In fact, Facebook saved the day when my friends arrived. They had trouble checking in and had to go to Facebook to find out hubby's name. OH the worlds colliding thing is strange, but this time it's a good thing.

fned- I too have lost contact with a lot of "bestest" buds, but as you say, it's the few that stick around that make life so great. I am not looking forward to them leaving, is it the last time I will see them or the beginning of a new trend of visiting?

carmen- The time apart leads to some great conversations, that's exciting for sure! (Not sure how to deal with the comment pop ups, I use Firefox at home and Safari at work and am pretty clueless about these things, let me see what I can do).

anonymous- Hey! Are you peeking?? (That's my anonymous Hubby)

BB Mama said...

CHILAX away! (I still giggle at that one) What a perfect day. You better cry that much when I come to visit you. LOL!

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