Friday, February 29, 2008

Papitis Daddynosis

Max has a serious case of "Papitis Daddynosis". I swear if I hear this kid say (whine) "My Dadddddddddyyyyyy" or "Where's my daddy? Donde esta papa? Want Daddy!!" or any variation on Daddy, Papa, Papi, Papito, I will pull my hair out by the roots and eat it. Now, Max and I spend an inordinate amount of time together, so perhaps he is bored with me but sheesh! We play, dance, sing, colour, paint, run, do gymnastics, do homework, watch movies, he gets snuggles and kisses, anything I can do to make this kid happy, I do it. But in the end it's all about "DADDDDDDY". I can't win.

Mama- "Are you hungry Max? Want something to eat?"
Max- "NO! Want Daddy. Dadddddddyyyy, quiero comer." (Daddy, I want to eat)
Daddy- "Estoy ocupado, preguntale a Mama." (I am busy, ask Mommy)
Max- "NOOO, mi Papaaaaaaaa, mi Papaaaaaaaaaaa, mi Papaaaaaaaaaa." (Um, I figure you can translate this one)

Mama- "Hey Max, want to play soccer?" Max- "No, Daddy play soccer." Mama- "Daddy isn't here, you can play with me, we'll have fun and scream "Gooool"." Max- "Where's my Daddddddddyyyy, want my Daddddddyyyyy, NO SOCCER MOMMY, TIME OUT!"
Mama- "Did you just put me in time out?"
Max- "Yes, time out Mommy. DADDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY, futbol!!!!"

Wanna sucker?
Want some chocolate?
Want to wrestle?

Sigh.......Everyone told me that having a son would be great, boys are all about their mommy. How wrong everyone was! Hubby went out for an hour yesterday and I was stuck with Max screaming and crying uncontrollably for an hour. He pushed me away when I tried to comfort him and actually hit me so hard in the face that my glasses flew across the room when I tried to keep him from running out the front door. I know it's probably just a phase, but I am at my wit's end, it HURTS me so bad! I am going to continue to be loving and attentive and caring, because that's my nature, but apparently I need a thicker skin cause this little tiny person has the ability to break my heart in two seconds flat.

Don't get me wrong, I am so lucky to have such a great parenting partner, but man oh man, I can't take it anymore, Calgon, take me away!!!! Is there any known cure for Papitis Daddynosis? Pills? Restraints? Boarding school? Or do I have to stick to the old favourite, bottle of wine for Mommy?

Max and his favourite thing in the whole world, Daddy


Anonymous said...

Ok, as per your request earlier in the week, I am speaking up. Ah yes. The joys of mommyhood. ;) I have two boys of my own; one is 8and one is 3.5 (Max!). They worshipped my late husband too at your Max's age. In my experience, Mommy-obsession happens a little later for boys. My older son was all about me from age 2.5 on. My Max is all about me now, but it took the loss of his father to get him here. I wonder if he too would have changed over to me had that not happened? One will never know. I do know that it did change for me, and that when it does, it is pure magic. Continue to enjoy that little boy.
Sarah C.

Manolo said...

I love it... Max put you on time out... that's just wonderful. In Guatemala we say: "since when the ducks shoot at the rifles".
Do you want my professional opinion? Time will cure the thing... although it might be some sort of Latin American gene being activated at your kid's age right now, specially thinking about that futbol thing. He is just identifying himself with his daddy, that's all. When push comes to shove you know that Mommy is #1.

Oh, the triangles the triangles...

Hang on dear friend.

Anonymous said...

I mean this in a kind way, not demeaning or accusing BUT.... If you allow your little Boy to hit you at this age, for ANY reason, you will be VERY SORRY later.

This comes from a Mother who has seen MANY other Mommies allow this, in my lifetime and the result is sad.

IMHO, you need to put a stop to the fits now. They do nothing but get worse, if you allow it.

You might see that others with experience would agree with me.

Good Luck

Anonymous said...

awww sorry hun to hear this :( I feel you cuz even though sofia is only 6 months ....I am the one that does EVRYTHING for her ...changing, bathing, food, bottles, cuddling etc....but she always seems to want HIM!!!

Anna said...

I just wanted to identify myself as I read your blog quite often. I'm currently living in the US but planning to move to Playa Del Carmen in September. I'm sure Max just doesn't miss you because you are always there. We all seem to want what we cant have and sadly that doesn't seem to go away with age:)

minshap said...

Wow, you've gotten some excellent explanations, comfort, advice, etc. so far, so I'd just like to offer an idea: if you do things with Max AND some other kid(s) together, it might help your relationship with him. He'll be trying to impress YOU (in front of them), he'll be possessive of YOU (she's my mommy!). It won't make him worship his daddy any less but it will sure do your heart good to feel his love for you too. One thing: naturally, you'll be very blasé about it and treat both (or all) the kids the same, not letting Max be the favored one during the event. Anyway, later, you'll have a shared memory and maybe he'll want to do it again, and he'll be saying "Mommy, let's...." Might work! Are there any little kids his age around where you live?

Alex said...

Ouch, it is not nice at all and I am sure it hurts, but I suppose it is just a phase. My nephew was like that, all about his dad and wanted to stay away from aunties. I suppose it was because we were all sweet and spoiled him, talking to him with that baby voice (he is 1.5 years old) Of course the kid hated it and he rather be with his dad who wasn't that "sweet", he was just "normal".
I'm sure it will pass, he loves you!

Adrians Mama said...

Kelly I am going through the same thing. Although Adrian has been sick lately so he has been clinging to me. But usually anywhere we are or anything we do he wants dada. I love the pic of Max and his papa...too cute!

Theresa in Mèrida said...

I hate to say this,but if he is getting so out of control, it is probably frightening to him too. I know you can't tell every detail,but I hope you firmly took his hands and told him, that he is not allowed to hit.
It always easy to give someone else parenting advice especially from a distance, but I think at his age, it might be better (but so much more difficult) to send him to his room and tell him that when he was ready to act civilized he could come out.
My middle daughter used to throw fits and I would send her outside (to our fenced backyard) telling her, I don't want to hear it, when you are done,you can come back in. I could see her through the window, so I knew where she was. It worked pretty well, she lost her audience, and eventually would come in. I can't remember how old she was, but it was older than Max.

CancunCanuck said...

Sarah C.- Welcome, thanks for coming out of lurkdom! I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband and that your kids lost their dad, I can only imagine the strength you must have to move on. I do enjoy him, but as you know, not every moment is magical, lol!

Manolo- I do think it's just a phase and it certainly does have something to do with wanting to be "macho", proving his masculinity by wanting to be like Papa. "It will pass" is my mantra of the moment.

Anon- I appreciate the input, thank you. He is punished when he hits, he doesn't get away with it and he knows it is bad. It's just a tiring process of constant reminders, time outs and denial of privileges. I do NOT want him to be one of "those" kids at all. For the most part he's pretty well behaved, but he does throw a pretty good tantrum now and again.

Erica- Hey girl, nice to see you! "Daddy's Little Girl", huh? I do think they always want the one they spend less time with, I wish you lots of luck and love mami!

Anna- Hello and welcome, thanks for checking in! It's true, we always want what we can't have! I wish you all the best with your Mexico move, if you've got questions or concerns, feel free to email me. If you haven't found it already, there is a pretty good forum for ex-pats in Playa at

Minshap- We do go on playdates, there are some little girls Max's age (and one little boy who is leaving Cancun sadly). He is pretty good with the other kids, he's learning to share pretty well and he doesn't seem too over the top with other kids. We are going to start him in some sort of class in April (he'll turn 3), most places won't take him before that. We're looking at gymnastics or dance or swimming, it will end up being a matter of money and schedule but I hope that another opportunity outside of school to be with other kids in a structured environment will help.

a.- I just pictured your nephew surrounded by tias with their "Mira, que precioso chiquito bonito" looking to his dad like "What's up with these ladies?". I hope it will pass, I am doing my best!

Meghan- Glad to hear I am not alone, I think Adrian and Max are similar in a lot of ways. Glad you like the pic, thanks!

Theresa- Yes, he is punished and loses privileges for bad behaviour. In addition, when things are good and calm and happy, I reward him and tell him why, what is different in his good behaviour from his bad behaviour. I like the idea of sending him to his room, but he gets even crazier, if he is alone in there he makes himself vomit to get us to come get him. "Time out" in a place where he is safe and where I can still see him (and him me) is the route we are taking right now, he sure doesn't like it but that is why it can work!

Thanks to ALL of you for your advice, suggestions and support, it is appreciated. He is a pretty good kid for the most part, just going through some difficult parenting times, he's pushing his boundaries and seeing just what he can get away with. I think his intelligence is a drawback in this case, he's too smart for his own good! :)

Theresa in Mèrida said...

Canuka, it sounds to me like you have it well under control. Yeah, parenting is such hard work. I remember, trust me. My kids are pretty bright too, so they were harder to raise than the type who are content to sit in the corner and look at dust balls.
I think boys are more difficult when they are younger because they aren't as verbal as girls and much more physical. But they are much easier as they get older while with girls it's the opposite. Or at least that was my experience.
My son as a teen was a breeze while my girls gave me fits.

3LittleFlowers said...

Camila is exactly the same but with me... ALL she wants is mommy. I know it hurts that he is like that with you, but it may be a bit of comfort knowing that the other side is difficult too. I mean, I cant wait for a day to be able to pee, shower, eat, work, read, clean the house, cook, without having Mia attached to one leg. It's like she wanted to be part of my body. I cant even sleep in my bed without having her laying down using my arm as a pillow!!! I bet my DH feels just like you sometimes when she pushes him away, just like Max is doing it with you. She loves him to pieces, but in her own way.

You are going through the same thing that my mom went through with my bro. My parents divorced when my bro was 4.5 years old. He was the most irresponsable father in the world (before and after the divorce), and my bro only had eyes for him. It was incredible how my dad was able to break his heart not showing up, not calling, and he still was always pushing my mom away bc all he wanted was dad. Now, things are really different. My bro is 29 years old, my dad is all changed, and my bro is the one that doesnt show up or call my dad, and doesnt even answer his calls. I have seen my dad crying over this a few times, but that is life.
Big cyber ((((((HUG))))) for you!! and I promise you will be the one that he is going to go to when he start having girls problems!!!

Heather said...

I am in your same boat. Not as extreme, but I know it is coming. Ever since he turned about 1 yrs old and i stopped night feedings, he just doesnt need me anymore, lol! All about the papa!! Im fine with me, more me time, time to go to the gym, read a book, make a phone call... wish it was that easy, but thats my hope, lol! GL girl!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you too! My son still likes me *ok*, but the instant Daddy walks in the door I get dropped like a hot potato! It's relatively insulting:-). What you need to do is have little one (13 months) still loves me. ha ha. Nicole

CancunCanuck said...

Theresa- Oh man, I don't even want to think about the teenage years, I can only imagine the fear Max will put into the hearts of the fathers of teenage girls. :)

Anelys- I have friends who are on the opposite side, I know it's difficult to be the one that is always in demand, lol! It would be nice to have one day where he absolutely needs me, KWIM?

Nicole- It's funny you should say we should have another, sooo many people are pushing us in that direction, including Max! He asks for a baby everyday! Most days I think we are done with having kids, though there are some moments where I think it might be a good idea, mostly after holding someone else's newborn in my arms, nothing beats new baby smell to get the hormones surging. :) (Welcome aboard and thanks for commenting, hope you stick around!)

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm Max's daddy and I love him a lot but I don't like the papitis!

We love you Kelly to infinite and beyond!

BTY... He will change, look at me and my

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