Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Poll results- Do you believe in spanking or corporal punishment?

I have to admit I am a bit surprised by the results on this one. Here's what you had to say about spanking....

Do you believe in spanking or corporal punishment?
Yes- 15 (39%)

No- 8 (21%)

Depends- 15 (39%)

I guess I am in the minority of those polled. I do not believe in using any kind of physical punishment on my son. My personal feeling is that if I feel the need to hit my child, I am the one with the problem and need to get a hold of my anger. Sometimes I DO get the urge, but there is nothing he could do that deserves physical pain and humiliation. My frustrations are exactly that, MINE, he shouldn't suffer because I cannot use reason and intelligence to solve a problem. I've read a lot about the subject, and I believe that spanking has the potential to be very damaging to the psyche and it has not been proven to work as a deterrent. If it worked, you would only have to do it once, right? I do not want my son to live in fear of me, I want to show him respect for his person so he can learn respect for others. One of our biggest discipline battles right now is hitting. How can I say "No hitting" and follow that up by hitting him? Seems rather contradictory to me. If he's crying and throwing a tantrum, a spanking is only going to make him cry harder, it's not going to halt the behaviour. I could write a lengthy post on the matter, but I will leave it at this. Every parent has the right to discipline at their discretion. What concerns me is what some people consider a spanking or discipline is actually abuse, so where do we draw the line? I would love to see a law banning any kind of physical punishment, but some people think it infringes on their rights. Oooook, and what about the rights of that little one who is getting hit? Who protects them?

Ok, off my soap box.


Anonymous said...

I am guessing you will get a few comments on this one. To my way of looking at it, yes and depends are the same. If it depends means there is some action in their mind that they would. So 30 believe in physicaly striking their child and 8 do not. I raised or helped raise 1 of my own and 4 step kids and I don't see how anyone can justify violence as a answer... we are the grownups, right?

Brice said...

I voted 'sometimes'.
If you "feel the urge," you should NEVER hit.
If it's strictly as punishment, it should be done reasonably and calmly (make sure you've calmed down before you do it!). I think that when done properly, disciplinary spanking is not automatically associated with 'hitting'. I was brought up that violence is never the right answer, but spanked when necessary. I have never connected the two.
I do believe that it is dangerously close to violence, and should not be done freely...

CancunCanuck said...

Ken- Hi and welcome and thanks for the comment. I really thought this would stimulate more debate, but I guess folks aren't up to a fight lately, haha. Nice to see that you agree with me, kudos for raising kids in a non-violent manner.

Brice- Hmm, I don't know how spanking could not be considered violence, but I respect you and trust that you know of what you speak. I have never witnessed a "calm" spanking, every time I see someone giving their kids a whack, they have fire and rage in their eyes. Do you think you will spank your future kids?

Anonymous said...

I guess I am late on this poll but I also wont hit my daughter....and Alberto doesnt hit his other kids either.....i think if it has to get to that point where my kid doesnt respect the fact that Im saying no....then I am doing something wrong. There is always other ways.

CancunCanuck said...

Erica- Glad to hear it mommy. I look at your daughters pics and just cannot imagine anyone ever hitting that gorgeous little peace of heaven!

MarsBattyAngel said...

I agree with Brice... I would've voted 'sometimes', if not 'yes'. I was spanked as a child and I turned out all right. I do not resent my parents for disciplining me that way, because I look around and see my younger cousins, acquaintances' children (and even my little sister) who weren't, and they are disrespectful brats. Maybe it's just that my social circle doesn't know well how to correct their children (and it may be the case, because from what I've read you're doing a wonderful job and your son is adorable)... but I will stick to my parents' disciplinary methods when I have children of my own.

"I have never witnessed a "calm" spanking, every time I see someone giving their kids a whack, they have fire and rage in their eyes."

I see one problem here... see, not you or anyone else should have witnessed the spanking to begin with. This is an example of not very good parenting, in my opinion. The spanking should not be an impulsive outlet for the parent's anger. The point is not to humiliate. If we were in a public place, I'd be taken aside (which gave time to calm down their tempers, so they wouldn't hit me with anger), told what I'd done wrong and have my corrective applied. After a while, all it took was a squeeze of the arm and a /look/ to shut me up.
Looking back (and I can recall several episodes since I was 2), I do not see any of it as abuse, nor am I emotionally scarred. I just hope I can bring up my kids the way I was brought up (and mind you, I'm 20, so still not in the stage where one has their parents on a pedestal).

Kathy said...

smart mama. Four kids; radically different personalities and while I have been sorely tempted, I will not hit them. As they get older it gets easier. I always ask myself before any conflict situation, "what do I want them to learn from this?". I've never been able to say, "I want them to learn what it is like to be hit by someone you love".

3LittleFlowers said...

Im late here too....

I do a little spank on my girls sometimes when I need them to react, and they just wont any other way... I must say that I have never done it with anger or with fire in my eyes....There is a big different between a "parent spanking" than a "woman or man hitting". If you want to let go your anger, you will hurt your child, but if you want your child to stop a dangerous behavior and you spank as parent, then its a different concept.

I believe that every child is different.... When I have spank Gaby, she actually stops the behavior, but if I do it with Mia, she will just get more upset... So, I dont do it with Mia, just because it doesnt work.

When I was a kid, I remember my mom telling me calmly: I have to spank you because you did do or that, and I want you to know that I would spank you again if you do it again.... Most of the times, it worked for me....

CancunCanuck said...

Marsbattyangel- Thanks for sharing your experiences, differing opinions are always welcome here. Sounds like you turned out alright. :)

Harvestmoon- Four kids, you must have the patience of a saint, lol! Kudos to you. I agree, I would rather teach my son about self control than to be afraid of me.

momto3flowers- I think in my case it would not work with Max, particularly since hitting is one of his issues right now. It's good that you recognize that each of your girls is different and that you can discipline individually.

Anonymous said...

I am 100% with you- I cannot imagine "hitting" "spanking" or any other word used to descibe a violent act on a small person. I have raised 3 kids- all of whom are well behaved wthout ever having to smack them.Telling them I do not like thier behaviour and that I was disappointed was always enough for them to stop- and look sorry.

Max is a delight and whatever you are doing is working!!!
Love and Hugs
Brit Friend

andrea said...

Hola,creo que unas buenas nalgadas a tiempo no le hacen daño a ningun niño, al reves los encamina y los hace tener respeto, disciplina y valores.
Solo hay que tener mucho cuidado de no descargar la furia, rabia o enojo que uno pueda tener guardados por otros motivos personales; hay que tener la cordura suficiente para darles un escarmiento justo y no exagerado cuando realmente sea necesario!
Todos somos diferentes, y hay quienes lo necesitan y quienes no, pero en lo personal considero que sin importar la edad, algunos necesitariamos que de vez en cuando alguien que nos quiera de verdad, nos de unas cuantas nalgadas para hacernos reaccionar cuando estamos en crisis!
No estoy de acuerdo con el abuso y el maltrato fisico, sino con pequeñas disciplinas o sacudidas de nalgas sin pasarse de la linea!!
Muchas veces es mejor 4 o 5 nalgadas, que la agresion verbal, amenazas o demostracion de ira, que eso si puede dejar secuelas emocionales.
Obviamente todos pensamos diferente, pero espero que mis palabras o mis creencias te sirvan para algo

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