Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Feliz Dia de los Niños

April 30th is designated "Dia de los Niños", or "Day of the Kids". Well, our house celebrates that everyday, hardeeharhar, but Max had a special field trip with his school to honour the event. Sadly, I can find very little information on the net about this special (Hallmark) day. Might just be another day to buy presents for the wee set, but I'll go with "we shall honour the innocence" instead.

Cancun is chock full of "jardines de fiestas" or "party gardens" set up for special kiddie events. Some of them have petting zoos, some have pools, all have bouncy houses in various states of cleanliness. None of them are conveniently located, they are all out in hell's half acre. I missed the exit off the highway going to pick Max up today and ended up at the freaking Cancun airport, I was half an hour later than I wanted to be, grrrr. The kids were at Ximbaa today, a nice garden area with pool, climby toys, bouncy house and actual clean bathrooms. I got there just as things were wrapping up and managed to grab a few pics of Max and his pals before everyone took off. Max is happy, sweaty, tired and full of candy so we are off for a nap. Feliz dia a todos!

The Whole Gang in the Bamboo House

Max in the Bouncy House

King of the Castle
(and yes, that makes me the dirty rascal)

Max and his best buddy Anuar

And the lovely girlfriend, Karen

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Random Shots in Our Hood

I guess the title says it all, here are some random pics of our neighbourhood. Not feeling very "chatty" today but apparently a picture is worth a thousand words or something like that, so here's about five thousand words.

Super Cutie Neighbour Kid
(So sad, behind bars at such a tender age)


Iguana In A Tree
(He definitely saw Max coming)
Take THAT Shadow, I've Got You Now!

Max likes to take pics too, he calls this one
"Twuck! White Twuck!"


Pedro is Out and He is Proud!
(but won't be getting any calls til he fills in his digits)

Monday, April 28, 2008

Fast Food? My Aunt Fanny!

I am a very patient woman. Like, beyond patient, nothing really upsets me. But holy frijole do I get annoyed with "fast food" joints in Cancun. There is nothing FAST about them! The service is always terrible, the interiors are always filthy and it is beyond slow. I'm talking your McDonald's, Burger Kings etc.. If these establishments were in Canada, they would be shut down, they are just that nasty. But, because they put some sort of drug in their foods that make you crave it, I do still occasionally stop in for a "Cajita Feliz" (Happy Meal) for Max and un Cuarto Libro con Queso (sin cebolla!) for me. (That's a Quarter Pounder with cheese, no onions for the Spanishly impaired). I desperately try to not take him there for the play areas, but we're quite limited in child friendly places so again, we occasionally stop in for a romp in McPlayland.

Seeing as I am sick today, I sure didn't feel up to cooking lunch for Max. We've also got a serious shortage of groceries in the house, so it would have taken some creative skills to throw something together for him. So, AutoMac (drive thru) it was for us today. I knew it would be a nightmare, so I timed our visit. 12:06 pm, place order (took a few minutes through that stupid speaker thang that sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher). By 12:26 pm I was STILL WAITING. Twenty minutes for a Cajita Feliz?? I didn't special order it, I didn't ask for dijon or well done or extra anything, nor were there any cars ahead of me, just a stupid hamburger, some stupid french fries and a stupid drink in my lonely spot in line. In the end it was 12:31 when I finally got my stupid Cajita Feliz. Yep, 25 freaking minutes for a pile of crap in a box. Oh, and the toy of course. Which Max decided was "yucky" and threw back at me.

I could have gone to any taco joint in town and had my meal delivered and eaten in that amount of time. But then we wouldn't have gotten the yucky toy. And I may have received bonus amoebas or salmonella like the last time I ate street meat. But I think next time, I will risk the body bugs, I am just not getting it My Way at McDonald's in Cancun.

****side note**** I get so frustrated with the mispronunciation of "McDonald's" here. Everyone says "MACDonald's", not "MICKDonald's". As a person of Scottish/English heritage and a last name that starts with "Mc", I KNOW that "Mc" is pronounced "Mick" and "Mac" is pronounced "Mack" and never the two shall be confused. Yet, I have gotten into a taxi, asked to be taken to "MickDonald's" and been stared at like I am from Mars, only to have them say "Ooooh, you mean "MACKDonald's". Grrrrrr. So, is it a "MACKMuffin?" or a "MACKTrio"? Heck no! Ok, repeat after me "MICK MICK MICK MICK MICK MICK Donald's!" Off my ranting box now, we will return you to your regularly scheduled McHappy Canuck tomorrow.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Everyone Had Magic Towels

Yeah, yeah, I know the lyrics are "Everyone had matching towels", but I'm stuck for life with my own misheard version of "Rock Lobster". If you have no idea what I am talking about, please ask Dr. Brown for a ride in his time machine back to the 80's. Anywho. Everytime we go to Playa Langosta (Lobster Beach), this oldie but goodie from the B-52's swims through my head. And since we went to Playa Langosta this morning, the song is stuck in my brain, may as well be stuck in yours too. Here are some pics from our day.


Somebody went under a dock

Watch out for that pirahna!

Mermaids wavin, wavin' to mermen

Lots of trouble, lots of bubble

Bakin' potatoes, bakin' in the sun


Friday, April 25, 2008

Watch Your Language

Heather has given us homework from the book No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, blogger tips. Fun! I randomly selected number 14, "Watch Your Language", asked to share the words I love or phrases I wish would one day be back in fashion. So here it is, a list of things I actually say and some things that I only allow myself to think.

Big whoop

Groovy man

Like water off a duck's back


Whatever floats yer boat


Let's motor

I love a good chin wag

What's your damage?

He's a cool cat

Got me a 2-4 of Blue and my Cameo flip tops, let's party!

Cool beans

Smoking a doobie

She's the bees knees

Make whoopee

We're gonna party like it's 1999!

It's loverly!

He's such a hoser, eh?

And any phrase ending in "-o-rama".

I have a life long love affair with the word "epiphysis", I just think it's a word that feels great in my mouth.

Popocateptl. Took me a long time to learn to say it so I am going to say it a LOT.

Pe la na. I've been told this is a very, very bad word in Mayan. Yay Mayan swear words! Wish I knew how to spell it fer real. Sorry if I offended any of the Mayan speakers here.

Don't get your knickers in a knot.

Mocos. I love such a cute little word for boogers or snot. See, the English is just ugly, but say "mocitos" and suddenly the green crap coming out the nose is adorable.

And there you go. So, "ta ta for now"!




Thursday, April 24, 2008

I Need a Kitty Witty!

I am a cat person. Always have been. Growing up on the farm we had cats a'plenty, barn cats, yard cats, house cats, garage cats, even wildcats that came in from the fields and forests (I mean BIG bobcat kind of cats that we had to scare off with a shotgun). I have a very vivid memory of my dad being under the crawl space of the house fixing something and hearing him start to moan. And then to calmly and almost quietly say "Somebody help me please". When we stuck our head in the crawlspace, there was a bobcat standing on my dad's chest! Anywho, I digress. I was devastated to leave my three beautiful felines in Toronto when I came to Mexico. I have always had a lovely kitty in my life, usually more than one. Living right now with only one, evil cat, I am just not satisfied. Unfortunately, Hubby hates cats and is refusing to allow another in the house.

Now for my evil plot. I am enlisting Max. Max LOVES kitties. Sadly, Changa is a bitch (makes me love her even more) and won't let him touch her or even near her. Doesn't stop him from trying and saying "I love you Changa, good night Changa, good morning Changa, I feed you Changa" and chasing her around all day. On my weekly visit to the therapist this week, I visited with the six lovely cats that live there (and the 17, yes 17, street cats that they feed daily). They had recently rescued two mama kitties who had just given birth, so in addition to the big beauties, there are seven wittle bitty sweetie baby kitties who I MUST HAVE. The therapist was late but I told him I didn't need him, I had wittle babies to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (ok, we still did the session, but I think the kittens did me more good, teehee). So, I have started to ask Max if he wants a kitty. Planting the seed. I know he will grab hold and run with it and together we can defeat Dr. KittyHater and bring one of the bundles of fur into our house. How many times can Hubby hear "Pweeeeease Daddy, I want a baby kitty, PORFIS papa precioso bonito te quiero mucho quiero un gatito!" before he caves in? Combine Max's good looks, charm and pestering with mine and we might just have a winner.

Or I could do what I did when we got Changa, and just bring one home and deal with the fall out. I think he owes me this one. Might just save on therapy bills in the long run, though we could run up some iodine and bandage bills if Changa doesn't dig the change.

The Divine Bitch Changa

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Brenda Martin Found Guilty

I've been following the case of Brenda Martin for a while and just read the report from today's court hearing. The judge found Ms. Martin guilty of accepting illegal funds and sentenced her to five years in prison. The Canadian government has apparently negotiated her extradition to Canada, but it will most likely take weeks for her return to be coordinated. Canadian officials are scrambling to translate the court documents to determine how she will be treated on her return to Canada. Some reports seem to suggest that she won't spend any time in a Canadian prison as she has served a significant portion of her sentence. Not surprisingly, Ms. Martin was devastated and is once again being monitored closely as family and friends suggest she may be suicidal.

In Canucka's opinion, any way you look at the verdict, she'll be getting out of that prison soon and her nightmare will be over. Hopefully the rest of the process will be speedy and she can go home at last.

Time Killers

I've had a lot of bad habits in my lifetime, wasted a lot of time doing stupid things. I'm betting most of you have had some yourself, unless you are one of those perfect people that I don't have time for (because I am wasting it doing stupid things). I got to thinking about how I waste my time now and thought I would waste your time by sharing.

1. Solving online crossword puzzles
2. Reading Crime Library
3. Watching 80's videos on YouTube and trying to teach Max the words
4. Googling the names of my friends and enemies and ex-husband
5. I'm in remission on this one, but I know it will rear its ugly head again, I've spent a gazillion hours playing FunTrivia
6. Watching lizards in fascination
7. Watching bugs in horror
8.
Playing ridiculous amounts of puzzle and word games on Real Arcade
9. Cracking my back
10.
Spinning my belly ring (would this count as belly gazing?)
11. Planning what I will do WHEN I win the lottery (it had better be a big one)

I hemmed and hawed about putting blogging/blog reading on the list, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit that it is a waste of time.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

And a Good Time Was Had by All

Wowzers. What an incredible weekend! The first (annual?) Latin American Bloggers Meetup was a huge success, a big shout of thanks to the indefatigable Wayne for all his planning and efforts to keep us organized, everything went off without a hitch!

Alrighty, here's the long and the short of it, I'd rather just show you pics! I took the 8:30 am ferry over to Isla Mujeres and headed to the Hotel Carmelina. Wayne scooted up on his well, scooter and directed me to the stoop outside the Aluxes coffee shop that he calls his office. I checked in first then joined our host for some caffeine and sugar to get us ready for the big day.

At 10:00 (ish) we all convened at the golf cart place and got ourselves revved up for the big tour. This was my first meeting with several of the bloggers, it was amazing how there were no awkward moments, it was as if we had known each other for a while. The truly lovely Heather was our driver (though the pedal marked "go" had to be explained, she caught on quick). I rode with her, Lisa and Liz and we laughed and sang our way around the island while sweating our patooties off (it was HOT). The caravan made a few stops along the way for some photo ops and looking at purty things. Once again, the beauty of Punta Sur took my breath away, it doesn't matter how many times I visit, it's like a kick in the diaphragm (in a good way) every time I see it.

By 1:00 (ish) we were at the Fisherman's Co-op for our lunch stop. I had the freshest shrimp cocktail ever, very nice indeed. Heather went out of her way to put together a little homework assignment for all of us and we talked a bit about blogging and ideas for future posts. Lunch finished and me and the "hot girls cart" headed over to Playa Norte for a swim, we were desperate to get in the cool water after sweating so much all morning! The water was refreshing, once we finished wandering hither and dither and finally chose a place to dump our stuff. After about an hour of chilling, we big farewell to Liz and Lisa who were going home to Cancun. We took a little time for a break in the hotel before getting ready to go out for dinner with the whole gang.

7:00 (ish) we met up at Brisas for some pre-dinner cocktails. I decided to go the healthy route and had the banana daiquiris (fruit is healthy, right?), total yum. After a few of those the whole blogger team crossed the street to Viñales for dinner. The food was WONDERFUL. I had the chicken viñales and was thrilled with the choice, totally divine. Oh, and another "healthy" drink of mango daiquiri (made with REAL mango, the chunks kept getting stuck in the straw, that has to be good, right?). We had a blast with Heather's game, she was so generous and fun, wrapping gifts for everyone to steal from one another. Who knew that stir sticks would be so popular? ;-)

By the time dinner was over I was exhausted but everyone convinced me to go for "just one more" at Om, a groovy little bar downtown. Loved the vibe of the place, but my tired body just couldn't hang in with the professionals so I cruised back to the hotel and crashed out in a blissful sleep.

Breakfast the next day was a great deal, a 70 peso buffet with a free "srewdriver". Mostly I drank coffee and coca cola to get the juices flowing. This was where we said good bye to everyone, big hugs all around and promises to see each other again soon.

I then stole a few hours on the beach by myself to relax (with a three year old there is no such thing as relaxing on the beach!). It was hard to let myself go at first, I kept thinking there was something I needed to do or somewhere I needed to be, but I finally took a deep breath and settled in for a good read and a few dips in the sea before catching the ferry home to Cancun.

So, there you have it. A summary of events. So many other stories to be told, so many reflections on the group of people I met and felt so connected to but this is enough for now. Here are some select pics for your viewing pleasure.

Tacoboy and Tacogirl all the way from Belize!

Rob and Michele, super fun and super parents

Lovely funny Jonna and our host Wayne
Michele (she rocks)

Bloggers: Hmmm, what will I write about this view?

Posers Liz and Heather

The Funny and Fabulous Miss Lisa

Little Ole Me

Blogtographers at Work

Scuptural Dude at Punta Sur

Garrafon from the Lighthouse at Punta Sur

Looking North from Punta Sur

The view south from the lighthouse

Don't Mess with the Iguanas Dude!

I'm pretty sure Kmart has never had a blue light
special on conch shells.

Back seat driver in the mirror!

Liz here sums up the weekend
"Rock and Roll Mamacita!"

Friday, April 18, 2008

To Do and Not To Do

Things I Don't Have to Do This Weekend

1. Dishes
2. Laundry
3. Mopping
4. Wipe anyone's butt but my own.
5. Watch 48 hours of "Lazytown"
6. Put anyone in time out. (Unless Mexico Way gets out of control, haha)
7. Homework (mine or Max's)
8. Sleep with the feet of a three year old in my face.
9. Answer the home phone for yet another pinche wrong number.
10. Wear socks.

Things I Have to Do This Weekend

1. Meet interesting people at the Bloggers Meetup
2. Drink cold beverages with alcohol in them.
3. Eat food not cooked by me.
4. Smile
5. Hang on the beach.
6. Chillax

Looking forward to meeting all you bloggers!


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Que raro!

Estoy pensando en español. I'm thinking in Spanish. I noticed last week while my brain was in overdrive, that I was actually thinking in Spanish. Not all the time, but definitely for long stretches. It actually freaked me out, I wondered how long I had been doing it but not noticing. I then started to talk to myself.

Yo: Estas pensando en español?
Yo2: No, no puedo.
Yo: Ya vez!
Yo2: Que?
Yo: Pensaste en español!
Yo2: No fui yo!
Yo3: You're both thinking in Spanish!

translation....

Me: Are you thinking in Spanish?
Me2: No, I can't.
Me: You see!
Me2: What?
Me: You thought in Spanish!
Me2: Wasn't me!
Me3: Los dos
están pensando en español!

Don't get me wrong, I am not thinking in perfect Spanish by any means, my inner dialogue is a mashed up mess of strange grammar and lots of swear words. Once the weirdness of it wore off, I realized it was a pretty good thing, another goal reached, another step to being bilingual.

So now I just have to deal with these little voices in my head, then I'll be feeling chido-lido.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Captain Hook's Pirate Cruise

For oh so many reasons we opted not to have a birthday party for Max this year. Instead we decided to take him on the Captain Hook's Pirate Ship dinner cruise. I know, normally you don't think dinner cruise for a three year old's birthday, but this one is definitely fun for the kid set. It's also a whole lot less stressful to arrange and pull off than a party for thirty three year olds, and super bonus, no Barney!

Max has been talking about this FOREVER and was super pumped about the whole thing. He was charming the crowd while we waited in line, running around saying "Argh!" and making his pirate face. He's really coming out of his shell with strangers, walking right up to people and saying "Hi, what's your name? My name Max." and holding out his little hand to shake. He blows my mind when he knows which people to speak Spanish to and which ones speak English, he's a smart cookie. Anywho, I digress.

Here's the pirate dealio. Two big ole boats, one red, one green, packed to the rafters with tourists. The pirates put on a show and run games and contests throughout the night. All drinks are included and I have to say that the service was great this time, a smile and a wink to the waiter goes a long way. There were lots of kids on board and they all seemed to have a great time, lots of smiles and laughter and dancing. I would say this tour really is fit for all ages, there were babes in arms up to teenagers. Adults can certainly enjoy it without kids, though I suspect the "late" cruise is a bit less family oriented (there is a 7 pm and an 11 pm cruise most nights). After heading out to sea and having a few drinks and a few laughs, they do a really great job of hustling everyone into the large dining cabin down below for dinner. You can opt for steak, lobster or steak AND lobster, plus salads, veggies, potatoes etc.. Food wasn't horrid, I've certainly had worse fare on tours. We had arranged for a cake for Max, and while we waited for what seemed like forever, it was worth it for Max when the Captain himself came down to deliver it and sing "Happy Birthday". We shared the cake with those left in the dining room, no way was I going to eat a whole delicious, sticky, sweet chocolate mess by myself!

After dinner everyone heads back to the upper decks for more drinks and more show. Then the big show starts. The two boats come together for a battle, pirates flying from ship to ship, fireworks, the whole shebang. Our boat was victorious, long live the green boat!

From there the boats head back to shore with the Cancun anthems playing (you know, "Follow the Leader", "I Will Survive", "YMCA") and people dancing their tequila soaked bums off. We were back on shore by just before 11 o'clock. Of course, Max fell fast asleep long before he could boogie to "The Electric Slide" so we just bundled him into the car and headed on home.

Overall a good time was had by all. I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't started getting sick on Friday, runny nose and cough and cold medicine don't mix well with piña coladas and disco music. But, I laughed and had fun with my little pirate Max and seeing his smiling face made things a whole lot better.

Here's some pics and a short video of the "battle".....

The Red Boat. Boooooo Red!
Viva Verde! Long live the green boat!

Max was not quite sure what to make
of the pirate's chair

Pirate hanging out in front of the sunset

Mmmm, chocolate......

Argh, scary pirates!

Video of the big pirate battle

Mini Olympics Pics

Here are a few pics of Max's Mini-Olympics event....


The Opening Ceremonies

Go Team Red!

Team Red: The Youngest Squad
(the girl in front of Max is Karen, his little love!)
(And the cute white tushie is his English teacher)


Shocking Turn of Events for Team Red!
Karen Holds Hands With A Different Boy,
Max Stuck with Angry Eyebrow Girl!


Max With His Girlfriend Karen.
Oh wait, he's sitting with Karen on his left but flirting with an
older woman on his right! My oh my.
His wingman Anuar seems to be saying
"Chill dude, Karen's right here and your mom's taking pictures!"

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Max and Karen, Sitting in a Tree

Firstly, Happy Birthday to my baby boy Max! Three years old today, man time goes fast. The day started EARLY, we had to be at the soccer field at 7:30 am for his school's Mini-Olympics. It was GREAT fun for everyone, they had flag bearers and a torch bearer too (no protests today) and cute little competitions for everyone, parents included. I'm an idiot and didn't charge the camera batteries, so no idea if I managed to get any decent pics or not, will check and post later if anything turned out.

The most interesting part of the morning was learning that Max has a girlfriend. Yes, a kissy, huggy, cute little girlfriend named Karen. Now, Max talks about his school friends all the time and yes, I knew he had a friend named Karen, but I had no idea how serious they were until this morning. Max plays his toy guitar and sings a song he made up about Karen, but I didn't know that it was L-O-V-E. As soon as we got to the field, he was on the hunt for her, and she for him. They found each other and gave big hugs and kisses and we couldn't separate them after that. Karen's mother and father apparently know allll about Max, Karen calls him "mi novio" (my boyfriend) and makes kissy faces when his name is mentioned. Her mother said when she can't get her out of bed in the morning, she just has to mention Max's name and dear smitten kitten flies out of bed to rush off to school and the arms of her amor. They were TOO CUTE together and I am kicking myself for not charging the danged camera, there were some Kodak cuddly moments that I would have loved to have pics of.

I also discovered that Max is famous at the school. I introduced myself to many parents and all of them said "Ooooh, mama de Max, todos los dias mi niño esta hablando de Max!" ("Ooooh, Max's mom, every day my kid is talking about Max!") He's definitely the ring leader there, every child we walked past said "Hola Max!" and he walked by like the freaking king of the school. The mommies of other little girls all said that their daughters are in love with him, but he only has eyes for Karen. Well, at least he's faithful, point for Max. Karen's Daddy seemed legitimately concerned and worried that his three year old girl had a boyfriend, it was tempting to mock him, but all I said when we were leaving was "Hasta la boda!" ("Until the wedding!")

And they lived happily ever after........

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Kindness of Strangers

As I have already posted, I have been totally overwhelmed by the amazing support of my blog readers and internet friends. Emails and comments from around the world, phone calls from long distance friends and supportive posts on various forums I participate in, it's truly incredible to find such loving and caring people out there in cyberspace. In the past I have had some people in real life express disbelief that "cyber-friends" are true friends, but I've got piles of evidence to the contrary now.

Case in point. The big, beautiful basket of fresh yummy fruit that just arrived, sent by someone that I have never met, never even spoken to on the phone! (No, I don't share my address with just anyone, a very limited number of special cyber-friends were in a Christmas card exchange and that is how this kind lady knows where I live, no stalker worries about this one). The card expressed love and warm thoughts to me and Max and really made my day. I wish I had had the camera handy when it arrived, it didn't take Max long to get into all the fruit (and me too!), so no picture of my very thoughtful gift, pretty gift.

So, big big thanks, you know who you are, it was an incredibly generous thing to do for a "stranger". And more thanks to those of you that continue to email and send positive vibes, I know I would not be doing half as well without all your support. I've pretty much shut myself away in my house, not seeing my "real life" friends as I just can't bear for them to see me in this state, so online life is keeping me going (and phone calls and text messages from bestest friends, sorry I just can't face you all right now, it's not that I don't love you.)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Main Distraction

In an effort to get myself away from crazy obsessive thinking, I took Max to Playa Langosta yesterday. I still obsessed, but at least it was on the beach with my main man. Here's a little greeting from my main distraction....




Max's third birthday is Saturday and he has his own obsessive thoughts going. He knows he is going on the pirate ship and that the pirates will be bringing him cake. And he won't stop talking about it. I'm glad he has his own distraction, nothing better than pirates to make life's problems disappear. At least for a soon to be "fwee" year old. (Though a little Johnny Depp in full pirate regalia would probably make my problems fade away too, at least for an hour or two or three....)

Monday, April 7, 2008

My Spirit is in the I.C.U.

Number one, I want to extend a huge thank you to everyone for your comments, emails and phone calls. The support I have received has been overwhelming, and while I didn't have the strength to answer all the emails personally, they were read and received with gladness.

Now, onto the rest of it while I have the gumption. I am not going to post what the traumatic event was/is, it's not going to help the situation any for me to do that and right now my goal is to heal, not to hurt. I would like to tell you how I have been feeling the last few days and give you an idea of where I am right now. For three days, I was a disaster, truly truly out of control and having a psychological breakdown. No eating, no sleeping, just crying, vomiting, shaking uncontrollably and even a few convulsions. On Friday I thought that if I were in Canada I would have called 911 for an ambulance. Yes, things were that bad, I was scared for and of myself.

I saw a therapist on Wednesday night, the day the world crashed down. I am proud of myself for that. I am really proud that I managed to have the therapy session of an hour and half entirely in Spanish. (I need to pat myself on the back for SOMETHING right now, my self esteem is in the dumper.) Obviously the shock of everything was fresh, the wound was open and bleeding, so even a therapy session couldn't hold back the flood of emotions I was feeling. I couldn't work, I tried, but when I got into the school, I collapsed and was completely out of control. I caused quite a scene and I am embarrassed, but there was no way I could stop it. Luckily friend/boss is fantastic and has been MORE than supportive, she has gone out of her way to help me in many, many ways. She came to get me on Friday and at least got me out of the house for an hour which was extremely difficult to do but absolutely necessary.

Saturday was a day of ups and downs, but better than Friday. I finally saw an English speaking therapist (Mexican man educated in the states) and felt a LOT better. He reminded me of some things that I knew, but had pushed aside. I told him I felt like I was two different people, the rational intelligent me and the emotional me. The rational side knows the things I must do to heal and be functional but the emotional side is winning out. He helped me out big time with a boxing analogy. He said that normally in the situation I am in the emotional side wins the TKO in the first round. He told me that at the very least, my rational intelligent side is throwing some punches, and while the emotional side is still on top, at least it's not going to be over without a fight. Being back in a therapists office was incredibly helpful, it reminded me again that I have survived past battles and have the tools, the ability and the desire to survive this too. I have a lot of work to do and the healing is going to take a long time, but at least I have a little hope.

Yesterday was kind of a numb day. Hey, better than feeling the pain of the previous days! I am very depressed and very sad and very angry but I managed to at least put on a face that wouldn't scare Max away. It killed me when he asked me if I was done being sad. I started to cry again, but pulled it together enough to give him a smile and a kiss. Yesterday gave me more hope that things will be ok (damn I wish I could share what was going on so I could make a bit more sense!) and while I am depressed and sad, at least I am not convulsing and having panic attacks. A few times I started to lose it, but I used my tools and pulled my crap together before I let my emotions take control of my body.

And here we are. Functioning. And a little hopeful, but certainly not my normally happy go luck self. I have a lot of work to do, I am making mistakes and doing things the wrong way, misdirecting my anger and obsessing about things, but little by little it's going to get better. I know that I am going to have some bad days ahead but for today it's alright. My spirit and my soul are in the Intensive Care Unit, but at least I can say they are in stable condition though they are being monitored closely.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Gut Knows

Remember this? Me saying I had a bad feeling? Well the popo has hit the ventilador (the shit has hit the fan). I'm gobsmacked, feel like I've been kicked. I am numb, nauseous, depressed, furious, livid, spookily calm, then explosive. I feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. My world is spinning and not in that good champagne way. I might just lose my mind. I can't believe this is happening to me. I have been knocked back to nothing, I am but a speck of dust, empty, void.

If I am not around for a couple of days, forgive me, it's just my life falling apart. I can't talk about this here, so just be patient with me to get back to my old posting routine (I hope I can after this one).

D is for Dengue, Depression and Dread

I'm currently sitting in my Cancun apartment, staving off the Covid 19 panic and using all my Jungle Kelly powers to maintain my cal...