Well, this will be one of the harder posts I've ever had to write. Not even sure where to begin or where to end so I guess I'll just spit it out. Hubby and I are separating, after a little more than seven years together. I think the details, the ins and outs, the fine points are better left unsaid, perhaps I need an anonymous blog to pour my heart in to. It wouldn't be fair to air all our dirty laundry here, family and real life friends read this blog and I would like to keep this break up amicable. Suffice it to say that this is going to be for the best, it is NOT easy, it was not an easy decision to come to, but in the end it has to be done.
My biggest concern of course is Max. He's doing ok so far, I'm not sure he totally understands what is going on, but he's trying hard to be strong and "cool". We've been honest with him (without getting into the dirt) and have included him in the changes. He helped Hubby find anapartment and will be assisting with setting up the new place this weekend. Some days he's excited about having two houses, other days he gets very quiet and sad. We've had just a couple of short outbursts of anger from him, that's the hardest for me. He ripped my heart out the other day when he was screaming "It's all mommy's fault, it's all her fault. I hate her, I am never going to love her and I will not listen to her anymore!" The incident passed and we hugged and made up, but the pain I felt was intense (as I am sure it was for him too). We've got a wonderful child psychologist who knows Max and is involved in this process, hopefully he won't end up a warped serial killer when he's 15. (Trying to inject some humour here, though not sure it's going to be successful).
Other than Hubby moving out, we're trying not to make any other major changes. Max needs stability (and so do I!). We'll stay in the same house (the only house he has ever known), he'll stay at the same school, same gym, same everything, he'll just have to adjust to not having Daddy around all the time. Hubby is being good about Max, he wants to see him frequently, in fact the apartment is about a block away from the house. We have to work out a schedule (back to stability), but I'm sure that we'll be able to find a way to make everyone happy.
And really, that's what the separation is about. Making everyone happy. A house of tension and strife is not a healthy place for anyone, particularly a sweet little boy. Hopefully by splitting the family into two houses, we'll all find some peace. I'm trying to be hopeful, I'm looking to the future, things can only get better from here. Right?